closing

Closing day. Where do I even begin?

I received an email from my realtor late on July 14 (day before "closing") telling me that I could pick up my keys at escrow "anytime" the next day. Yay! I eagerly woke up on July 15, packed my car with a few cleaning items (intent on spending the day scouring my new home), and promptly drove off by 8 AM so I could arrive at escrow by 9 AM. I called escrow on my way down to Tacoma to double-check on things, and they said I could NOT pick up the keys since the sale had not recorded. AND the escrow officer working on my house was out that day. Okay...??? So I called Aunt Janna (aka "AJ") and asked if I could go hang out at her place until the sale recorded.

Needless to say, while we were waiting for the sale to record, we hit up McClendon's to shop, grabbed lunch and bloody mary's at the Tacoma Yacht Club, grabbed champagne and chocolate at Safeway (to celebrate!!), and then went to hang out in the title office. I did not hear from my realtor for three hours ON CLOSING DAY despite my calls, texts, and emails. When I finally did hear from him, he said that I could just go inside before recording, not to tell anyone, and he'd take any heat. Then he called me back 30 minutes later to tell me NOT to go inside before it recorded. I don't think he knows what he is doing...

So I took matters into my own hands and called my lender around 12:30, per AJ's advice. My lender rocks, by the way. Jon said that escrow went into a "black hole" that morning and he had just received the escrow papers 25 minutes ago, but the sale was going to be funded any second and that he would text me when that happens. He then texted. Done. We grabbed the keys and went into the house. That is when shit hit the fan.

The sellers had to meet TWO conditions for the sale: 1) leave all appliances, including W/D, dishwasher, fridge, stove, microwave, etc., and 2) remove ALL personal items, trash, etc. Here is what I found:

All five waste bins were full. The recyclables bin was full of trash (see bottom left). You get fined for that shit!

Paints, cleaning agents, and various household chemicals all over the place...in cabinets, on shelves, under sinks. The paint colors did not match any walls in the house. Many cans were empty or dried out. The catch: The sellers would have had to PAY to remove a lot of this waste, so why not let the buyer deal with it? Grrrr.....

 

Ugliest shelving unit in the history of shelving units. WTF?!

 

Lots of junk. Junk everywhere. My personal nightmare. The sellers broke every feng shui rule in the book. 

And more junk...these pictures don't even do the junk justice. Nasty rugs everywhere. Crap in the rafters, including a ripped American flag? Really? And the safe weighs more than the house. (I have to wonder what is in there...)

Oh! And the sellers took the microwave. Frankly, I am not too torn up about that because people shouldn't be using microwaves anyways since it rearranges the chemical makeup of the food, so basically you create a genetically modified piece of JUNK food when you nuke it. (Ok, off soapbox now.)

Needless to say, AJ and I proceeded to drink the entire bottle of champagne. Quickly. No cleaning today. I only wish I had a photo of us after we polished off that bottle!

And Gemma totally loves her yard. Woot woot!

I am still so exhausted from this past week, I don't have the energy to go into all the gory details, but let's just say long, heated discussions ensued with my realtor and the seller's realtor and their failure to conduct a pre-closing walk-through. The next day, my realtor hired a handyman, Pedro, to come in and clean out the place. I am heading down today to check it out. Cross your fingers.

And then I fly out for Peru...so no more posts until early August. Signing off!